I have no comfort zone

by David on April 9, 2012

Monday, April 9, 2012:

I just finished reading The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx. The Heroin Diaries is a journal he kept in 1987 as he descended into the hellish abyss of addiction as he and his band, Motley Crue, toured the country.

I saw them in Biloxi, MS of that year. It was interesting to see what was going on in his head the very day that I saw them perform. It was also the day that they made the cover of Rolling Stone only to be disrespected with this headline: Heavy Metal: It’s Loud, It’s Ugly, It Won’t Go Away.

Yeah, I admit it: in the eighties I was a teenage headbanger with a mullet haircut and wore black, heavy metal concert T-shirts and blue jeans. Every square inch of my bedroom walls was covered with pictures of Nikki Sixx and his cohorts.

The fact that he was one of my biggest idols (I even had a dog named Nikki) was a heroin junkie should have foretold my own descent into junkie-dom. But I must admit that Nikki’s decadence was a lot more glamorous than my own.

It sounds as if he flushed more drugs down the toilet out of paranoia that year than I ingested in all of my twenty year using career. And it just goes to show that drug addiction affects the poor differently than the rich.

When the withdrawals started, all he had to do was pick up the phone. He never woke up wondering where he was going to get enough money to help him make it through the day without getting sick.

This journal-type memoir is better than the typical addiction memoir, because no matter how committed to honesty the memoirist may be, memories distort and degrade through the years.

But with The Heroin Diaries, you see addiction in real-time, day-by-day as it’s happening. And you can see that Sixx was clearly happier on the days when he managed to clean up. When he was strung out, he wrote the words I’ve uttered to myself so many times during my addiction:

People don’t make sense to me…I have no comfort zone. I don’t know how to live. I feel like an alien.

Running Away From Me.

Buy Running Away From Me as a Kindle format ebook.

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